It’s Not You, It’s Me!
Do your relationships keep failing? Some relationships are just not meant to be, whereas others are unnecessarily severed because as a species we take one another for granted.
We forget to love, fall out of love, struggle to love.
Humans thrive on compassion and acceptance; and we desperately crave this attention from others. When we don’t receive it, we feel hurt and can be antagonistic towards others – especially those we are most close to.
Is any of this sounding familiar?
If so, stop looking for love from others, and learn how to develop love and compassion from within yourself.
Once you learn how to love and accept yourself, you will improve the quality of your relationships, feel happier and more confident within yourself and subsequently find more harmony and fulfilment in your life.
The ability to love
We all have the ability to love. At our absolute, we are love. This all-powerful emotion is innate within us, but can, unfortunately, become repressed and buried.
Being able to love yourself gives you power. If you are content on the inside, you will attract happiness from the outside world too. The ancients knew thousands of years ago that love and care was the key to happiness.
It is no different today, but how many people truly feel love within themselves amidst the woes of the modern world.
Eastern philosophy teaches people to find love in themselves by understanding the nature of their existence. In the west, we are taught to look for happiness on the outside, in material things and from receiving love from others.
Whilst receiving gifts and love from other people will make you happy, it is superficial and has no lasting impression that is meaningful. What happens when you stop receiving love and gifts?
Only by learning to love yourself do you attract consistent happiness and satisfaction in your life.
Were you taught how to love?
Loving does not come easy for everyone. I have a torrid time appreciating many things in this world – and a lot of things others people love (i.e TV, pop music, celebrity news).
People lap this stuff up and I can’t understand why!
But this was my problem, my challenge. As a child I was not shown how to love and grew into an adult with a barrier over my heart. My central chakra was closed and unbalanced for years.
Even now, I have to work with my heart chakra through meditation practices. It is not always easy for me to maintain feelings of love and acceptance.
When parents do not show love and affection for one another, children do not learn how to interact in a relationship on a sub-conscious level.
Therefore, if you come from a broken family unit or your parents did not show much love and affection for one another, the child will struggle to form long lasting bonds as an adult.
It is quite common for children to feel neglected when their emotions and needs are not satisfied. And children often have hurt feelings; at home, at school and when playing with their friends.
If a child experiences neglect more than they experience feelings of being loved, the emotions are repressed and the individual finds it difficult to love.
And in many cases this results in the inability to love yourself!
This ultimately has a knock-on effect in loving others and building strong relationships. Individuals that feel insecure with themselves tend to be jealous, anxious and antagonist towards their lover.
Needless to say, negative emotions like these drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Do you keep having failed relationships?
Open your heart chakra
The ability to love is controlled by your heart chakra – the Anahata Chakra which is found in the centre of your body. It balances the material world with the spirit world.
If you are not experiencing any love in your life, it may be that your heart chakra is blocked.
When your heart chakra is blocked or unbalanced, you will have feelings of loneliness, shyness, jealousy, insecurity, selfishness, greed, pass judgement of others and act cold towards some people.
You may even have an inability to forgive and look to seek revenge. You need to learn how to feel empathy towards others rather than trying to hurt them for hurting you.
When your heart chakra is open you will feel love and compassion to everybody and everything, it will attract love to you and you will live with prosperity and good health.
So learning to love yourself is a worthwhile exercise!
Treat yourself like a child
The best way to learn to love yourself is to treat yourself like a child – after all you are essentially pampering to your inner-child.
So go ahead, when you deserve it, give yourself a treat – but as you should with children, do not over indulge in things that are not good for you as this can be destructive.
Below is a list of seven exercises you can do each day to help generate feelings of love and compassion in yourself.
- Eat healthily
Although love is primarily related to feelings, your actions speak loudly. If you are late, untidy and do not eat healthily, you send out the message that you do not deserve to be cared for and loved.
This message is picked up by others and by your sub-conscience mind.
By exercising, eating healthily and getting plenty of sleep, you feel better in yourself. This makes opening your heart chakra so much easier.
Taking care of yourself sends out the signal that you are worth taking care of and receiving love.
So to start learning how to love yourself, eat healthily and exercise.
- Listen to your own feelings
We experience different emotions on a daily basis, but we do not always know why we are feeling a particular way. This is particularly the case when we are feeling low.
Become more aware of how you feel and ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Meditate on it so you can find the root cause and begin the healing process.
- Be compassionate
Showing compassion towards others and yourself, trains the sub-conscious mind to experience more compassion. The more you give the more you will receive.
When you judge yourself and others, you are cementing a perception of how you think the world should be, so this is what you sun-conscious thinks you want. But judging conjures negative emotions and delivers negative results.
When you judge yourself, you are not showing love and compassion to your inner child. Give yourself respect for your achievements and feel satisfied about everything that is good about you.
- Learn what your feelings are telling you
There is always a reason for how you feel. It is the law of cause and effect. But the way you feel not be the result of a recent event, it is oftentimes not a feeling you should be having in the now.
When negative feelings arise that you do not want, learn to access the information within them. If you understand why you are experiencing a particular emotion, you can find a way to free yourself of the bondage.
When you have feelings of hurt, they can be signs that you are abandoning yourself. What happens on the material plane is a reflection of what is happening on the spiritual plane – where your inner-self resides.
When you neglect your feelings in the physical world, you neglect your feelings in the spirit world, and these emotions are subsequently generated from your sub-conscious mind.
- Live in the now
Living in the moment is a piece of advice that has become cliché – but the reason for that is because it works. Focusing on the present moment can help calm your mind and forget about your concerns for the future. Try to feel love in everything you do!
- Be open to receiving
Opening your heart chakra is not just about loving yourself, but learning how to accept love and compassion from other people. When somebody shows you an act of kindness, accept it graciously.
When you deny an offer of a gift, love or act of kindness, you prevent the other person from receiving love or kindness as well. This is what the English expression “never look a gift-horse in the mouth” means.
If you do not learn to receive, you prevent others from receiving as well!
- Love your work
Of all the advice in this list, for some people learning to love your work will be the greatest challenge. But regardless of how you feel about your job it’s all about your mind set and attitude.
In his Vedanta Philosophies, Swami Abhedan explains that all work is a contribution to society, and regardless of what work you have to do as a parent, student, or employee, be grateful that you are contributing to society.
Of course, if you have a job you enjoy, or have a talent or interest that you can turn into a livelihood, loving your work becomes a whole lot easier. Otherwise accept the role you have been given in life and learn to love the experience by examining how your work can help you grow as a person.
- Work hard, play hard
You need to pamper yourself from time to time, so make sure you take time out for yourself each week to do something you really enjoy. We have to work hard, but we should play hard too.
When you do things you love, you generate positive feelings, and when you schedule time each week to do whatever it is you most want to do, you can recall those feelings simply by thinking about it and getting excited about the next time.
You cannot expect or rely on others to make you feel loved. And in order to give love and show compassion to others, you need to conjure these emotions from within yourself.
When you take responsibility for your emotional and physical health, you will find these qualities have a knock-on effect in all other aspects of your life.
Learning how to love yourself and sharing your love with others, is the best lesson you will ever learn!